The Hamster Cage

THE HAMSTER CAGE (2006) - Feb. 13, 2007
Oh the humanity! I haven't seen a film this bad in a long, long time. Sweet Jesus was it bad. I honestly cannot think of a single redeeming thing about this big, steaming, fly-infested pile of rhinoceros poop. This was a thoroughly unpleasant film filled to the brim with unlikable, broadly-drawn "characters" (and I use the word "character" very very lightly). It was badly acted (though to be fair, even the finest of actors couldn't do much with this material), blandly directed, atrociously written (I don't think there was a single line of dialogue that seemed like something a real human being would say, nor was there a single action performed by any of the characters that seemed authentic)... My God. It was just so bad, and so annoying. Every single moment of it felt contrived and phony; it almost felt like it was written and directed by some kind of creature from outer space, someone who had a limited amount of contact with humans and thus had only the most vague idea of how people really act and talk. I absolutely, positively hated this movie. No, I despised this movie. Is there a word stronger than despised? ZERO STARS