Transformers: Dark of the Moon

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON (2011) - June 30, 2011
Oh, Jesus Christ.  An indescribably bad movie about more stupid robot shenanigans that nobody cares less about.  I really didn't think that there was anywhere to go but up from the abysmal last outing, but this actually manages to be just as bad, and just as boring.  I haven't been this bored in a movie theatre since... well, since Transformers 2.  The special effects were pretty spectacular, and the action sequences were coherently staged, but it's all in service of a movie that's so stunningly bad that it's hard to care about any of it.  Yet again, Michael Bay gives us broad "characters" who each have around one defining character trait, and who are worthless people to spend any time with.  He also crams the movie with his usual over-the-top "comedy" that just makes you want to bury your face in your hands and weep for the future of humanity.  The movie is insanely long at around two-and-a-half hours.  I saw some people walking out towards the end of the insanely tedious non-stop action final hour, and I desperately wanted to join them -- but then I might have been tempted to watch this movie again at some point down the road, and I absolutely never, ever want to have to do that.  There is nothing good here.  I would literally rather be punched in the stomach than have to sit through this movie one more time.  1/2*