Friday the 13th

FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009) - June 21, 2009
Another crappy horror remake from Marcus Nispel and Platinum Dunes, though this was slightly better (or slightly less crappy, I should say) than the Texas Chainsaw redo. Opening with a group of partying teens who are on the search for some marijuana they think is growing around Camp Crystal Lake, the film bizarrely spends almost half an hour with these disposable characters even though they're really only there to establish Jason and up the already-high body count (this is the sequence that would take about five minutes in any other horror film). The movie then establishes a whole new batch of characters who are, astoundingly, even more generic and cliched than the previous bunch (including a motorcycle-riding badass with a heart of gold named Clay (!) -- at first I was thinking that this had to be tongue-in-cheek, but I'm pretty sure it was being played seriously). The problem with this movie, aside from the murky, unpleasant visuals and the fact that it's almost impossible to care about these thinly-drawn characters as they get offed one by one, is that it just isn't particularly compelling or entertaining at all. There are a few decent sequences here and there, but for the most part it's just dull. Also: special mention must go to the female protagonist's one-liner after she thinks she's about to kill Jason ("Say hi to mommy... in hell!"), which has to be one of the worst one-liners I've ever heard (the unconvincing delivery probably didn't help matters, but really, how can you possibly say that line and not sound ridiculous?). *1/2